The 5% nation of casiotone . . .

I realize that I haven't been posting much in terms of personal stuff here lately. I think I just needed to get back into the groove of actually posting a blog at all and I was sort of afraid that I would flake out again and look like an absent moron. So I needed some time. Needed to build up some trust.

I had been feeling pretty ugh-ish about weight loss for a while. I wanted to do it, I was pretty much paying attention, but couldn't recommit. I have a bad habit of letting those around me influence my decisions way too much. Something I definitely need to work on this time around is the fine art of saying "no." Why do I find this so hard?

I also really need to work on finding balance in my life. I know that I will never succeed with the all or nothing attitude. I can't be completely strict until I lose weight because I will inevitably gain it back. I know this. I've done it before. I need to find a way to go out to dinner with friends without A) having a panic attack beforehand or B) eating everything in sight until the kitchen staff runs away and hides for fear that I will come after them next. Alcohol is another biggie. I've just been going without, but I want to have a glass of wine now and then without the fear that it will totally screw up my next weigh in.

So, in other words, I've got some issues...

In the meantime, I've been quietly plugging along, counting points to myself, packing my lunches, planning my snacks . . . all without the help of the blogger world that I love so much. I think I needed to do it. I needed to be successful on my own, not just because I was being successful for the readers of my blog.

I still struggle with motivation for exercise. This week was rough because I was unable to go to the gym on Monday and Wednesday because my daughter was sick Monday and today I needed to observe a classroom. But I plan to be there as soon as both kids are in school on Friday morning. As for tonight - I have way too much homework for tomorrow so I'm just going to have to pass on movement for the time being. Perhaps tomorrow I will be able to get some in during the evening.

OH! Now I do remember something I wanted to ask . . . I am in desperate need of some new tunes for working out. I have a lot of singer/songwriter, indie, touchy feely crap and I need some fun fast music to listen to while on the treadmill or elliptical. One of my favorite songs for now is Viva la Vida by Coldplay - I need variety. All suggestions are welcome! :)

Until next time . . .